She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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