If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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