she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
