All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
