I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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