She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
