even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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