I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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