1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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