I seem to have left my pride at pride
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
