He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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