I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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