Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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