Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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