Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
