Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
