Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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