guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
