once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
