Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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