I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
