I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
