I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
