I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
