my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
