we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
