I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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