our cab driver is having phone sex.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
