I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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