the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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