So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
