So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
