just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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