The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
