the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
