Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
