i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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