i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
