but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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