Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
