i already hear my dad disowning me
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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