She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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