Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We left an ass print on the piano.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
