This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
