It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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