I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
