I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
