So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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