my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
