If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
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PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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