i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
