Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
