just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
