Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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