Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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