I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
