don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
